Poem 91- What a pleasure

What a pleasure

I met them and what a pleasure
Even the naughty ones
Even the sticky ones
Even the ones I didn’t really notice that first day
What a pleasure it was
I spoke to them and what a pleasure
Even the ones who talked of Moshi Monsters
Even the ones who consistently cried
Even the ones whose parents lack of chat left them inarticulate
What a pleasure it was
How excellent and exciting to enjoy
Your colleagues,
How delightful to be pleased to wake when
It’s still dark outside
How marvelous to care so extremely about
Each entities chance to sufficiently showcase
Themselves
And to wish to praise each and every one
Of the tiny people I am so lucky to
Consort with

What a pleasure it is to be me when I get to be with you lot !

Poem 90-Little Parcels of Love

Little Parcels of Love

A messenger arrived, it was a weird
Time for a delivery but I didn’t mind,
He gave me a little box filled with
Possibility
When I tipped all the possibility out
There was fear, distance, imagination
And risk.
As I tried to focus on my original gift
The other quantities found grew larger
For the longest time its sender made
No attempt to discuss each item
That came from the box.
Both of us hoping we wouldn’t have to,
But despite the possibility- perhaps we
Should talk of the other that came
Along too?
Maybe I’ll send something by
More possibility, more risk, more fear
And a chance at love.

Poem 89-The all-consuming revolution

The all-consuming revolution

You are the all-consuming revolution
You have changed so much in
Such a minute time
The minutiae if your
Large nostrils, wiggly hair and
Your loudest clap in the world
Have ensconced you in my existence
Exponentially increasing my happiness
Quotient
As you said we weren’t looking
But it arrived
As all the best things do
So sogni d'oro
Dr.
Here’s to more adventures local and otherwise

Poem 88- Let sleeping dogs digest burgers and you rant/ Another failed attempt

Let sleeping dogs digest burgers and you rant/ Another failed attempt

For a minute there I thought you
Might be a human … you might
Have some level of compassion


For a minute there I thought the
Second time around although signposted
With many of your flawed and
Boring lectures could lead to a new
Place


For a minute there I thought you
Could man up… no thank you
Lets harp on about old
rubbish


For a minute there I thought I might be
Able to leave with my feelings in tact
As you explain delusional and
Bizarre images of seemingly unimportant
Moments


For a minute there I thought yes, to it
All, your mind-numbing and wholly unoriginal
Stories, your stupid opinion based on not one iota of fact,
And your entirely ungentlemanly soul

Any help I can give… let me know

Poem 87- Flattery will get you nowhere

Flattery will get you nowhere

The smallest compliment should have come
Easily to your pugnacious lips
As I ladled kindness after sweetness to
Shore up your failing personal attributes
I wanted to like you
I wanted to trust you
I needed an opportunity to hope for
New words and warmth
No chance you nice, kind, boring,
Self-righteous child
Feel the force of my forced compliments
As made the choice to be nice
And you made the decision to
Be a truculent hamburger
Inevitable, you had too little self-awareness
To be applicable to me

I suppose it was the idea of you that
Deserved the acceptance

Poem 86- Arc-en-ciel

Arc-en-ciel

Climb aboard the boat made
From upside down tables
Believe once I draw it on
That red dot
That it is a button
That turns on a TV that is
Really a white board
Make animal noises to show your
Incredible understanding of the world
Tell me of “flalingos” – pink and proud
On one leg
Guess that a dove might be purple,
Or navy blue or pink, put your hand up
For every question you fear you
Will get wrong and I will help with
A smile and maybe a funny voice
Isosceles, what a funny word!

Poem 85-Bears with hats on, wellington boots and a handbag

Bears with hats on, wellington boots and a handbag

After I run to the station, putting my
Make up back on as I stand holding
The handrail tightly using the warped
Glass as a mirror
After I forage in my bag an extra
Oyster card and a train ticket to
Somewhere else
After I stand by a conveyor belt of Japanese
Delicacies holding my homemade sign as my arms
Ache just slightly

The time will arrive for an hour
Or so of secret tourism and a drink
Always promised next to
A round open-air theatre that tell us of the past and the future
By the back drop of a city too exquisite, lit by the moon

Poem 84 - Metaphorical Boxes

Metaphorical Boxes

A consistent quest for simplicity
Ruined by the complexity and the
Never-ending attempt to fit
Thought too big with labels so
Tiny

A bus with too many passengers
To deposit in time and a face
Too foreign to place

We strive to put each event in line
We know the madness too well to trust
And the battle to align each square
And cube with its face and
Each vertex with the boxes, stacking
Higher with empty, crumpled papers
Til the light from the windows is blocked
And the cat’s eyes are no longer
Visible until the fallacy of
Truth envelops the boxes just for a second

Poem 83- Quiet Silence

Quiet Silence

I hope to find a place were
The silence is so pure
We sit in safety without words

I look for a view so beautiful
A picture would only take away
From its inherent mastery

And

A golden moment where we
Rest so peaceably that no breath
Can break the calm we manufacture
With no effort, no material and no word

Poem 82 - Busy

Busy

Today you felt the need to
S-P-E-L-L out for me
Something I had clearly but kindly
Said to you previously
Let’s not pretend you could not see
My huge list of corrections for your
Comportment
Let’s not confuse my jump in to the
Taxi with just a wave and no other
More affectionate salutation from a
Girl so tired she forgot to kiss the
Gentleman she sojourned with momentarily
With hopes of something interesting
But only finished with less than
A wave and an ember only
Dampened by your endless chatter
And a failed attempt at
Intimacy corrupted by the
Internet generation

Poem 81 - You should have let me love you

You should have let me love you

The parcel that arrived
Full of love
Didn’t have my name
On it, but you assumed
I would know it was
For me
When I didn’t
The words we put in to each others
Mouths were bitter
Sour only sweetened
By diversions and your
Food that rounded my
Tummy and silenced the lips
Of the entitled children

You should have let me love
You, I would have been
Pleased to sweat out the day if
I knew you were coming to
Meet me at the kitchen
Door once your kids
Were asleep

I didn’t want to meet you
At the door
Happy with friendship
But the love I should have
Let you bestow
Would have been too much for me
And any positive consequence would have been too much
For you

Poem 80- Poetry from my visit to the Metropolitan Museum in New York

Poetry from my visit to the Metropolitan Museum in New York

One who understands
( Paul Klee)

I am one who understands
I understand all concepts
All thought, all action
And higher level processing allows
Me to be calm and rational
In the face of any foe.
I am one who understands
This understanding allows me
To rise above all hardship
No need to pontificate, I understand
In fact, I understood before you
Cared to explain
I had made sense the swirling
Uncertainty you hastened
To propose
But I am the one who understands
No need to protect my schema
Or my soul
For I am one who understands

Poem 79 - Poetry from my visit to the Metropolitan Museum in New York

Poetry from my visit to the Metropolitan Museum in New York

Carry home your own reproduction

As I walk around the Metropolitan Museum I find myself pulling my
Phone from my pocket and snapping shots of the Warhol’s, the Sargent’s and
The Picasso’s, and I realise I am trying to take home a painting more beautiful than the pixels my phone could never capture, my intellectually advanced smart phone cannot compute the pure forms, brave ideas and exceptional clarity of paint so enlightened no human since can understand the talents of its maker and me with my little BlackBerry, trying to steal a bit for myself

I think I’ll just take my poems as a going home presents and leave the irony here, at the Met, for other generations to perplex about after I’m long gone

“NO FLASH PLEASE”

Poem 78- Discussions with a deity

Discussions with a deity

Let’s talk about G-d
Let’s talk about your connection with G-d
Let’s talk about Him/It and
How you converge here in
This public forum
In this place of G-dlyness
Let’s walk in to the holy of holies
And proclaim our worth
And right
Together
Here, holding hands

Let’s talk about kosher
Let’s talk about candles
Let’s talk about when you
Decided you would/wouldn’t
Eat with G-d’s thanks on your food
Prepare the table
Smell the spices
How the wandering and the diaspora
Grabbed your innate senses
And rebelled

Let’s catagorise prayer, practice
And life and judge ourselves
And each other as we walk precariously
On the path of the land

Poem 77- Characters in foreign lands

Characters in foreign lands

It’s a different time there in your habitat
As far as I know you could be in a
Pagoda, or an igloo (which would be
Fun) or a house… on stilts
You could be painting or sleeping or
Smelling a flower only native to
Your back garden

I put my hand up to this picture
And refill it with more plausible
Options. The house I saw out of the corner of the screen, the flat we
Passed the evening in, the house you signaled
With your hand as we drove past
That night when it was cold enough
For there to be frost on the edges of the
Windows, or the small house at the back of the block, that you don’t
Really live in because you haven’t lived
At home for years

I raise my hand again and place
You all in a myriad of scenarios in my life
And you all fit in all the places
I have newly prescribed for you
I have this suspicion, though, that none of you would fit in all of them.
You might not fit as my friends and I discuss the implementation
Of a new campaign, or a night on the
Sofa in my living room eating recently purchased
Sweets and chocolates, you might not
Fit at the theatre, talking about my poems, music, films. You may not fit even if you are clever or handsome or nice or you like
Dancing sometimes and you don’t mind when I sing in the street
And now I am worried none of these fractured pieces will
Fit together even with the magic of dreamland and I don’t know
If I am awake enough to know
Or check the validity of any
Of this

Poem 76- Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

• At nine o’clock ( Sewing by lamplight, Millet)

We sit in our campesino existence
Engaging in tasks that provide
Us with livelihood, with purpose,
But, what will you be doing?
No longer in need of the lamplight
We reunite in this belief in time
Which allows us to feel the separation
Of years, yet links us through the
Comprehension of the same concept
And to that end counts the minutes
Til the end and to the next
Moment of connection

At 15:59 I sit here ever captivated
By the wonder of what you glued do
Perpetually at nine o’clock
And he endless possibilities I could
Perform at the same hour

Poem 75- Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

• Sending and receiving letters (the Mistress and the Maid, Vermeer)

The focus it seems
Is the relationship of the
Mistress and the Maid when
In fact its creator held all power
And emphasis in this exchange
Not of words but the note
This correspondence in card
Holds the key to the balance
To the transfer of emotions
Holds the time and the life
Of those writing, receiving and
Delivering. Inferring the
Most words wrapped in an envelope
Unwrapped by the scene

Poem 74 - Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

Poetry inspired by the Frick Collection

• Madame Boucher

They thought you were his wife
A poor housekeeper they said
One who was entitled
Your possessions revealing the secrets
And your fancies
So unravelled
Taunting others painted in the
Same way
Reminding those of your coquettish
Nature
As you recline
Not really Madame Boucher
But in fact chosen for a beauty
No longer valued by my beholding
Eyes
Yet captivating my attention
At least momentarily
As I only pass and rest in a house
Of images

Poem 73 - Typing at a relationship

Typing at a relationship

With most of my possible lovers

Strangely far away

The only means of testing

A little box with a blue line across the top

Or a web interface with which I get to see

Your face, only momentarily

Usually late at night or at other obscure and fleeting moments

Each of my invisible counterparts provide a temporary diversion

Or a momentary ego boost, and yet as that Rabbi’s wife told me

“You will never know, til you’re in their presence and that moment hits

Where you know that they could provide you with what you need,

In an actual time frame and you will know you can provide too, for them.

Rather than a semblance of reality providing a destiny complex and an

Intimacy only present on the screen of your MacBook”

“Just wait,” she said “ until life presents them to you and then you will be able to decide”
I nodded, sure she was correct.

However til then, yes I'm available to chat

Even when you all wish solely to discuss my frontward protuberances and occasionally my dreams and family situation… maybe I should just wait til that cheeky drink.

Poem 72- my camp

My camp

I always knew it was
Time for camp because my
Mummy would take me
To buy new socks and
Shorts
She would say, as we
Traipsed around our local
Shopping centre, remember to write,
Make sure you sleep enough and
Try and eat some fruit… you need
Your vitamins.
She would pack me
Off with stamped and addressed
Envelopes that would
Get lost under my bed
And disintegrate as
Camp wore on.

Camp was a safe haven
A relief from the general
Tone of the year and a
Place where I could truly
Be myself. I learned friendship, happiness and
Pride in my Judaism that sustained
Me until it was time to go back

It was those years
Before I went out to buy
My own socks, addressed my
Own envelopes and made that safe haven
For the younger versions of me, that
Showed me it was the greatest happiness
And a new section of my life
Where I could empower others
To grow as I had.

Poem 71- Part of the time

Part of the time

For this situation
This idea of part of the time
Leaves two meanings

One- part of the time
My patience and care
For you is mirrored
With excitement and
The little girls inside
Your newly adult
Frames, come to me
Looking for friendship,
Acceptance and compassion.

It is constantly waiting and available to you

Two- is the idea of part of the time
Only I tiny
Percentage of your lives
Are you here with me
Waiting with this love
So due to our
Semi-permanence, I am
Not your primary link
For love, truth and
A relationship based on
Respect. And due to the
Others and due to our minute
Amount of time together
I cannot hope to fully
Change things for you
But I can hope that
You will only ever
Have happiness, and a chance to get older
At your own pace
And you have
And create
The life
You
Want

Poem 70 - Password Protection

Password Protection

I know this sounds weird,
But you are my password.
On my computer, since we met, and
Maybe also for my library card
(I cant remember I haven’t used it for a while)
When I say you’re my password, I mean
The basis for which my password was chosen
But I changed it that night
We argued and so now
You’re only some of my
Passwords.

Mainly because its an easy word
To remember, or maybe just an easy time
To hold on to.
The young me and the young you-
Strangers who wrote a story
Narrated and mainly created by me
In my head
Without you

Poem 69- Journey to thought

Journey to thought

I think its getting better
A little easier each day
A little more simple even
On the longest days
But maybe I have just let
My standards slip further
And further down
As usual
Til even the things that upset
Or frustrate me are banalised
And upgraded
Til I don’t allow
Myself to feel
Worthy of
Setting



Limits or boundaries

Poem 68-A bicycle made for 2

A bicycle made for 2

“Riding a tandem by yourself” she said
“ That has to be the saddest sight in the world”

However, I don’t think it is.
In my opinion, it is better to have had the need for two
Seats
And now ride alone
Than to have only ever had reason to cycle by solo

And who knows, maybe that man, the one who just rode past , has
Only just made this bizarre, slightly comical and seemingly romantic
Purchase and is on the way to collect his
Counterpart
For some pedaling,
Surveying the city
And maybe a picnic.

I think if I had acquired a tandem for a jolly, slightly corny jaunt
I would bring a picnic.

Poem 67- Adult Conversation

Adult Conversation

Lets say you want to take up
Sailing, or golf, or bookkeeping,
Do I say “Great” ? or do I have
To say things like “how much will
It cost”? and “ how much time will
It take you to drive to the river/
Traverse the green with the boys/ study at Birkbeck
After work”? Do I have to, at some
Point, say things ( in a passive aggressive way)
Like “ and if you’re on your catamaran
Who will pick up the children from the party/ if you’re staying at the club
To have a post round drink I guess I’m the one picking up the dinner then/
If you’re studying so hard and now have such supreme knowledge, maybe you can work out the equation that explains why I don’t love you anymore”?

And all this because you wanted to mess around in boats

“There’s nothing, absolutely nothing, so half as much worth doing
as messing
about in boats “

Poem 66- The Christmas Rush

The Christmas Rush

He was like no being I had previously known
A seraph, and a dream from which I hoped never to wake
He consumed me so
And cared for me like a just hatched chick
He was the most kind, the most excellent companion
It was serendipitous
It was perfection
It laid claim to parts of my heart I felt could never find passage
And revived my weak limbs
It made me feel whole
And good
And worthy
It was a challenge
A joy
A life I felt finally to deserve
Due to your acceptance


He is like no being I have ever known
He is wise and pure
He is fun and sweet as the nectar sought by humming birds
He is loving and fantastic
He is a role-playing game, he is a scavenger hunt, he is an Olympic gold medal
And forever even when I am grey, and fat(ter than I am now), a Hamley’s Christmas Window and all it represents for the 5 year old child and the young woman he taught me to be

Poem 65- The Assent ( a poem for my lovely cousin and his beautiful wife who made aliyah )

The Assent

It was the dream they taught us to will in to fruition
It was the highest expression of personal Zionism
It was the life choice, which proved to everyone
You
Believed
And I believe in you as you climb
The stairs, to the place where it is easier to
Be you, no excuses, no tests
It is the place where every breath you breathe is g-dly and
Every 3 steps a good deed
It is the place of our history and our covenant
The place we hold as our own,
Our present no excuses just tests
It will be the place of you future, the place you call שלי הבית
It will be the place you have firsts and lasts
It will be the place you find all manner of sustenance
No excuses, no tests, just life
The life you chose for yourself and a country chosen for you by your faith
And your history
This time is for you
Your turn to be a חלוץ
So ובהצלחה תפחד אל

With love and prayers from the diaspora
And easy jet kisses x

Poem 64 -a topical poem- inspired by the German Cucumber debacle

a poem for this veggie topic !

Cucumbers make me nervous, their verdant skin fills me with fear,
their watery coldness and tasteless interior
is not on my table... not here !
My horror and panic grow ever larger
like a fertilized vegetable patch
full of illness, ecoli and maggots , il throw away every batch
Im scared of herbaceous planting, cabbages, tomatoes and the like,

I think il use this outbreak to keep them off my plate , a little bit of a break or maybe a full on strike!

Poem 63- I'm just going to write a nice one ...

I’m just going to write a nice one…

I’m happy today, as usual but today
It’s more. Maybe it’s because
I’m nearly finished with this bit
With this section
All the good stuffs getting closer
Maybe it’s because I know what I
Have gained in this short and long time
Maybe it’s because I woke up
Feeling lucky to be me
And maybe that’s because it’s
Sunny, outside and I feel like its sunny
In this house, in my room, in my head and on my
Bookshelf.

Poem 62- Practice makes perfect

Practice makes perfect

If you haven’t been to the shops
For a while… does that
Make it harder to go?
If you are a zoologist and you
Don’t see an animal for a bit
Are you any less knowledgeable about
Bestial matters?
If you’re always late does that make
It less legitimate for if
You manage to be on time
And if you have forgotten how
To be excited by love
How to sleep in bed next to
Someone. Or how to remember to
Automatically fit someone in to your
Days, life and thoughts,
Is love,
As easy
The
Next time?

Poem 61-Together or apart

Together or apart


I thought we had made some progress
When you bared your soul to me
Something had changed
It was easier, kinder, nicer
For a while
And now you have reverted
To type, the reason I chose you in the first
Place, your serious,
Socially awkward,
Sensitive nature, and my
Response to your continued
Self remains
Upset by the actualities
Confused at how affected
Yet unaffected you are
By our encounter

I wait in anger, hope and fear
That it will evolve in to
Something better than it was
Even before we made the mistake of trying to be
Happy

Together or apart

Poem 60 - Words in the Sand (a poem originally written with a stick in the sand on a beach in Ireland maybe there will be photos to follow)

Words in the Sand

We sit
Time
Stops
Only us
In this
Quiet
And magical
Place
Stay a
While
Rest a
While
Love a
While
My life
With you
Perfection

Poem 59 -Singing barefoot at the food festival

Singing barefoot at the food festival

Oh, the jokes we made
About that place
With a friendly smile
We made light of the simplicity of
Country life
But when ensconced
Never had we felt
So pleased to
Be where we were
With the roosters for sale
The barbecues alight
And me, my flip-flops left
Under the only table
As the smoke came of the grill
As a child sat on the ground
Scooping handfuls of dirt in to
His mouth
I sang as loud as I could to the sounds of
A parochial guitar
And hope's extinction was further away than ever
As I bounced
To the rhythm
My toes on the pebbles

Poem 58- Surprise Surprise

Surprise Surprise

It amazes me that you
All came
Made that effort
Smiles across your faces
Cards brought
Time used
Cars driven here…on time
Actual money spent
For me
To remember me
To celebrate me
To turn and look at my existing self
And for that incredible, fantastic shock, a surprise that
Means I might have worked hard enough in the search
And could have been friendly, and good enough to karma and the world
That you lot, marvelous, clever, caring, empathetic and sweet
That you might care for me
Gives me the most extreme joy
I could ever wish to receive
And will only strengthen my efforts to maintain
This wonderful time
Where you are my friends
And I am yours

Poem 57- Why is it so difficult?

Why is it so difficult?

She is beautiful
Kind
Exceptionally intelligent
So, why is it so difficult?
Because life is tricky?
More than tricky,
Shocking, something for which no one
Can prepare?
We are young…now
We are safe… now
We have our whole lives to claim in credit… now
We must step continuously on the spot
‘Til going forward becomes easy
And we know the answer to the simplest question

If all anyone wants is to love and be loved, why is it so difficult?

Poem 56-A series of poems inspired by the translation by Mr B Sugarman of a piece of song poetry by Li Qingzhao- each poem relates to a line of the translation.

When the warmth suddenly turns to cold

We loved
We definitely loved
One another
Our time
And now when the
Heat is tepid
What can we do except
Continue with hope
Our fingers and souls might
Regain their colour
As we fight this impending
Winter

We knew each other once

One time is sufficient
All that is needed
All that could be wanted
That day
That night
That hour
Was all you could provide
And now I sit
Watching the traffic and the time
Pass as I store our moments
To memory
As each minute
Becomes an hour
Each month becomes as year
Since I felt your
Hand in mine
And since I watched
You insert your ticket
In to the turnstile
And walked out of my consciousness

Who can pick them now?

He loves me he loves
Me not
The pile of stalks and petals
Grows as I swing my
Legs, to short to touch the
Floor, under my chair
As I play the game of
A child and I grow older
The remnants of the flowers
Turns to mulch
Composting our joint love
Until the next time
I grasp the stem labeled with
Your name

How will nightfall ever come?

Time has stopped
In limbo I wait for
Creation
For light and shade
For taste to return to my
Mouth and for sensation
To return to my nerve endings
You have paused my world
And the sun has failed
To complete its task
The setting is all that can
Offer hope
And no sinking, except that
Of my tear in the never ending
Stream, occurs
And I watch your life on
Fast forward, too rapid to
Gain entry in my state
Of paralysis

At times like this how can sorrow express it all?

Enough, enough now
My frail body cannot be
Inflicted with these feelings
Any more. No word can
Describe, no sentence can
Portray, No chapter can
Fully embody the melancholic song
In the back of my brain

At times like this how could sorrow possibly express it all?

Poem 55-Limititations

Limitations

If normality is a societal
Construct and inherently
Anyone who is not you
And possibly your own family
Is abnormal by default

Then why should I feel
Offended that last night you said
As a compliment to me, I was
“Weird” and then edited
Yourself to “quirky”
Because to me
I am mundane
The same as all others
And it is my
Ultimate
Normality
That leaves me with
This
Frustration

Poem 54- This could get interesting, you might want to take notes...

This could get interesting, you might want to take notes...

That’s interesting
At the first sign that I might have more going on
Than listening to you talk rubbish
You can’t be bothered to see me
That’s interesting
When I call you out on your lack of interest
You’re not in the mood
You can’t be bothered to even attempt an apology or care
That’s interesting
I’m sitting in my house with a tearstained face
And you’re no where to be seen
Not crying over you
But I thought you and your attention might help me
To feel better
But interestingly enough
Rather than provide me with emotional sustenance
You would rather place your superficiality over the chance to make someone else
Happy
I think that’s where we differ, in general,
Except this this case
Where I am being as selfish as you are
Hoping you will spend your time making me ok
Whereas you’re sitting there hoping,
Even though you have now annoyed me,
I might still consider fellating you


I’ll tell you now , I wont.
Now, isn’t that interesting?

Poem 53-So what now?

So what now?

I think I’m going to cry
Not for any reason I can describe
I feel confused and happy
I feel sad and angry
I feel fulfilled yet totally unsure of what is meant to be happening
What is the point of our friendship?
What is the point of our relationship?
What is the point of making an effort,
Or trying
Something new,
Or doing nice things for other people, or letting you kiss me
Or being me?
If you end up with nothing
In the end there is nothing
Sitting here doing nothing is only a precursor to that nothing
All nothing
Tee tee tee tee Tee tee tee Tee TEE tee

Poem 52- Opposites Day

Opposites Day

“I think that might be backwards”
I said
As you confidently draw a backwards three
“It’s not” you say
“My mummy showed me”

“I’ve drawn a P,” you say
“It was meant to be a 9”
“Just start at the top
Go
Round
And go
Down
It will be fine “ I say, “Just copy me"

Poem 51 - In the throws of verbal intercourse

In the throws of verbal intercourse

You’re very sweet
No one could say you’re not
Some would say you’re good looking
And they might be right
But if I find every word you
Say
Mundane
Artificial
Platitudinous
Should I risk it?
For the compliments
The nights out
The squeeze on the hip
And the late night kisses
Or is it really
A waste of time
A dead end
A means to an end
And a farce
Where you talk and through my happiness
To receive positivity and busyness
Perpetuate this liaison as in the dark
It might not matter
As long as we’re not alone
And everyday we grow older

Poem 50- When they love their children as much as they hate us the war will be over ( the Israe-l Palestine conflict as a metaphor for divorce)

When they love their children as much as they hate us the war will be over

Its doesn't matter which side your on
Whether your a viva viva palestina
Or an am yisrael chai
You know which side is evil, committed all
Wrongs, sometimes you meet people who
Extol the virtues of this treacherous,
Terrible oppressor /terrorist
With their shock and awe tactics and
Disregard for freedom or the right to life And the pursuit of happiness
And sometimes for a minute, particularly
When you talk to someone you think is
Intelligent it becomes harder to maintain the
View on this malignant party you tried hard
To campaign for and against and although
Peace (of mind) is all you want
All you could dream of
With this entity at the negotiating table
Independence is swapped for catastrophe And war
If you give them what they want you will
Have nothing except the need to a right of
Return to a better time

Poem 49-Stop time, things (don’t) change

Stop time, things (don’t) change

She was the director of epics
With casts of hundreds
As I watched in awe
She was the manager of a perfume shop,
But only seasonally,
She was a boxer, a teacher, and an explorer
She knew the answers to every question
The script to every film
She was my example
She is my example
Tomorrow and tomorrow
She was all things
She is all things
Tomorrow and tomorrow

Poem 48- A poem for my sister

Your respect is more important
Your compliments mean more
Your positive attention is like a blessing
I know I am lucky to get
Your kindness spills over buckets
Your soul is light and beautiful
Your face is like a painting so exquisite
I feel like I should be charged entry every time I look
Oh! What chance I have that my egg was
The one fertilized after your and
We get to pass this life together
No games, no pretending
you are mine

Poem 47- The battle for the essence

The battle for the essence

My soul is an itinerant
A Bedouin
It is a drifter with out a passport
Occasionally taking up residence in my body
It stays for those days it is too rainy to wonder the street
To dark to see your way without a torch
Or to dangerous to walk without someone else for company
And days when the conditions are favorable, or in the aftermath
Of those other times
I have to coax it inside
Convince it my being is the best place to house
Its wit, sense of self, motivations, interest and emotions
“Come back in"
I say
“I can’t do this without you”

Poem 46- Kurer, S (2011) Hurt, volume 11, London: Winnington Press

Kurer, S (2011) Hurt, volume 11 London: Winnington Press

The other volumes of this epic
Are not published where you can read them
But they are engraved on my veins
Chiseled on the back of my eye lids
Stamped on my synapses
Each inch of me bellows
Each follicle, each cell, each lobe
Knows the stories and the anger
But this volume is shared amongst us
This ode to pain allocated mutually
A contract from me
To you
Through
Which
I
Divide this life
And
In time
Own
The hurt, the anecdotal displays of each moment as if it’s a comedic masterpiece, the repercussions, and the ways to change the future

Poem 45- Saboteur

Saboteur

In the light he waits
I pretend its night
And try not to see through the shadows
It creeps up
I am not scared
As I do not know to prepare
For calamity
With shock I cry and shake
Entirely rocked by you abstract vision
And abnormal choices
My face is wet
My forgiving soul is screaming
My brain knows this is how it will always be
And change is not a word in your vocabulary
But you know all the rules to every childish game
Regulations too complicated
Prize too great
My sanity, my soul
At stake
In exchange for a token to play

Poem 44- Mi Casa

Mi casa

If my things belong to me
I assume my life is one of those things
And I thought that was an obvious conclusion
If I am the custodian
I assume there is no confiscation box
And even if there were it wouldn’t belong to you
If this is the case
I assume you not understand
Si no te puedas comprender lo
Que mi casa, mis cosas, mi vida, no es su casa
Asi Pues

Que te jodas

Poem 43- Our Roles

Our Roles

If I pay for this drink
And u pay for dinner next time
Maybe we can ignore the steamy sex we could have

If u tell me about that brunette in your English lit seminar
And I ask for advice about that guy I kissed when I was drunk
Maybe we can put that lingering look to one side

If even when we kiss or touch after that 'crazy' party or that sad chat we had about your mum's childhood we maintain we're friends or adults up for a bit of fun or that we we're both filled to the brim with sexual frustration. We won't ruin this friendship or this flirty banter and neither of us will get hurt

That's fine with me
Sometimes
And when its not
If its not we'll always be each others back up for when I'm 50
And living with 13 cats
And your dreams and body
Have gone south

Poem 42- Satisfaction

Satisfaction
You know that feeling you get,
After eating a big delicious meal?
Where there was enough food
So you ate up until the moment
You were full
Comfortable
Content
Fulfilled
That’s how I feel when I spend time with you
Quenched, whole, peaceful and serine
You satisfy everything about me, even the parts
I’m not sure about

Poem 41 - Affirmation

Affirmation

There is a baby in a red spotty jumper sitting safely in the basket on the front of a bicycle.
Its little face lit up with fun
Its eyes spread wide due to a combination of the breeze and the fear
Its curly hair bobbing with the motion of the bike
Reminding, inviting, prescribing simple pleasures

Smiles creep across the faces of all who see.

Poem 40- Football

Football

I don’t talk to you about the
Football because I want to
I do it because I think you do
If you explain the points system
Or the rankings of the teams in the
FA Cup League table
You might forget we’ve hardly
Spoken in months, because
What happened caused us to be
Without words, kind or otherwise

I don’t talk to you about how I
Feel not because I don’t want to
But because I know you don’t want me to
My feelings, like my personality
Are too much
So lets just forget it all and have
An awkward and boring conversation
About the football, even though
I don’t want to and you know it

Poem 39- What Married People Do- ( After a weekend of overhearing/ chatting about marriage i have decided to break out and old poem i wrote on the topic)

What Married People Do

How should I know what married people do?
If they sit in a haze of love and lust
Content in the knowledge they have found
What they searched for.
Do they spend hours?
Breathing in the smell of perfection?
Are they safe in the new amalgamated unit they have become?
Will they know if they have maintained a constant self of have they subsided in to co- dependency with all they have?

Or are they just happy they don’t have to be unsafe anymore,
To surrender to the structures they were taught to value above any other
Convinced its better to be together than alone

Poem 38- My Land

My Land

I have reclaimed the garden
In my name
The broken fences
Must keep some intruders at bay
You have broken my fortitude
With misfortune and grenades
Then you left me alone
In my prison
No longer reclaimed
No longer private

Poem 37- Bang bang boom

Bang bang boom

The night we met she said you must be in to her
That they were always in to her
Then you looked at me
The game changed
It was real and kind
You were fun and sweet
You were wise and music ran in your veins
It made me know she was wrong

The night we met you said we had met before
That we had known each other for years
That everyone had been talking about me
How could you not know?
But you were new to me
Clever, sure of yourself
You had a fire
It taught me what a challenge this could be

The night we met she said I was the best one
That you had told her it was fact
And through your time
I became that
You were quiet and shy
You told me your jokes weren’t funny
Special and obvious
It made me pleased to be alive

The night we met you said I was mysterious
That I was so unknown it scared you
That through our progression
In to realms of passion we knew
It would be exceptional
You were beautiful and sure of what you knew
You were helpful and spontaneous
It made me believe in the power of codependence

The night we will meet you will say nice to meet you
I will be unsure if it rivals what I have known
It will shake my world and change the
Patterns of my breath
It will push me to do things I could never do
You will be fun, clever, shy and sure of yourself
You will be wise and special and beautiful
And it will be obvious and challenging and funny
It will make me know that love exists

Poem 36- Psychological

Psychological

No one will be with me
You said
You revised your statement to
No one will be with her
Freudian …
I said
What does that mean?
You said
Doesn’t matter


I said

Poem 35- Plastic Crockery

Plastic Crockery

I set four plates
But there are three of us now
I wait for you to come home
But you don’t
I wait for someone to interrupt me
When I’m talking about my day
But there is complete silence
This absence of you
This hollow place
This plate is a symbol
Of the life we once had
And your non-existence
In the new one I create

Poem 34- A pilgrimage to love

A pilgrimage to love

The journey to the center of my soul was hard
Treacherous, the stones slipped beneath my feet
As I walked in to the abyss of my emotions
In to the chasms and fissures that were covered
By secrets, regrets and shame
Through mountains I trekked to find
The sanctuary where I could be free to understand
What I knew and what I could never know
A place where pain was stronger and taste was sweeter than
The kindness of children and the madness was more insipid
Than nightmare
I fell a few times, but found my feet, as I knew the only way
Was to venture forth in to the swirling quagmire
When I arrived the air was light and soft
A new world uncharted and unsullied by expectation or the past
Clean
Beautiful
And mine

Poem 33- I think you're unhappy

I Think You're Unhappy

I think you're unhappy,
And possibly, in a depression
But, you maintain you're fine
You seem sadder, or maybe
Quieter than you were before
But, you maintain you're fine
You spend more time alone, or maybe
You used to spend more time with me
But, you maintain you're fine

Maybe you were always like
This, and the part were you seemed
Happier, more free, more sexual
Maybe that was the exception that proves
The rule

I think you're unhappy
But, you maintain you're fine

Poem 32- you're perfect

You're perfect for me
You're all I want
We listen to the same music
Laugh at the same jokes
I come alive when I see you
Or think about you
But you're not perfect
Are you?
Your actually rather weird
Not very nice
And could never have been what I needed
Oh, you texted... How about one more date?

Poem 31- feeding time ( at the zoo?)

Feeding time (at the zoo?)

She feeds him lunch
One bite after another
“Yum yum” she says
“Yum yum” he replies
She discuss what they are going to do today
“Yes” he replies
She continues to feed him
Necessary?
Nurturing?
Romantic?
Weird?
Is it just me, I think perfectly healthy 18+ males with working hands
Are meant to be able to
Feed themselves
On another note having someone else’s dirty hands near your mouth is gross,
You don’t know where they have been!
And if you insist on partaking in this bizarre animalistic activity please
Do it in the confines of your own home
Rather than in front of me at a local vegetarian eatery

Poem 30- More of the same

More of the same

If I said I was disappointed
Would you judge me?
Or would you think me stupid
For over thinking
Would you think me hopeless?
Or romantic for being pleased by possibility?
Ok, I’m disappointed, because
I thought you might be different
But this disappointment feels
The same

Poem 29- Housewife

Housewife
Being a homemaker is valuable, serious and important
But sadly at this time I don’t believe it’s my calling
After spending time in your homestead prison
It is not you for whom I am subsequently falling
I choose liberty, I select life
I choose not to be your trouble and strife
I would like the autonomy to enjoy my time as I please
Rather than waiting to bless you every time you sneeze
A life in close quarters with you, is worse than solitary
Even if you like my Bristol cities and my poetry

Poem 28- Literary Nonsense

Literary nonsense

I went to the dentist; they drugged me up good, just for fun
I’ve been transported to a magical world
Just like Coleridge’s “Kubla Khan”
If your wondering why my lip is big and I’m somewhat confused
Try asking the dentist in to me what he infused
From a super huge needle in to my mouth
And since then my mind has gone lower than south
As I lie about all tingly as the light streams in
I felt l went to Coward’s “marvelous party” and drank dubonet and gin
So “quite for no reason” except for a hole in my grin
I started a feelin’ like I’ve committed a cardinal sin
Of too many sweets and too much choc
So, caverns in my smile are far from a shock
Now, it’s time for a nap till this stuff wears off
I hope that this poem hasn’t made you scoff
At my drugged up ramblings and stuff
So, good night for a while and thank you very much

Poem 27- Coffee Shop

Coffee shop
She sits with a man
He is pleased she is there
She smiles and chats, using her hands to explain
He is pleased she is there
She looks at his laptop and giggles
He is pleased she is there
She takes photos to encapsulate that day
He is pleased she is there

Its easy to be pleased
Maybe harder to be discontented
Her big eyes look at him
As she talks and gesticulates
She does a little dance to the music in the café

He is pleased she is there

Poem 26- Girlfriend- a poem written last year for a friend who's fella had found a new chicky to mess around with

Girlfriend
So, you’ve got a girlfriend, what do I care?
So, there’s a lady for whom you are the gentleman, what’s it to me?
So, she receives your praise and attention, she also gets your moods and your stupidity
And so what?

So, I invested my time and energy, and what fun Ill have using it now for myself
So, you provided me with inane childish diversions sometimes, ill find someone who will talk of Sartre and Aristotle
So, your clammy hand would grasp mine sometimes in the street, I’ve just painted my nails a bright and sexy red colour and if we were to hold hands they may smudge
But what now?
What if I want inane, moody stupidity and a clammy hand to hold mine?
For now, I’ll just go out with a short skirt on, do some shots of tequila until you break up or I find someone new

Poem 25- Postmark- a poem about a charming true story of life long love

Postmark

When we met I thought you were silly
Younger than me
The boy from my school who pestered me on my way home
When we passed in the halls I thought nothing of you
And the way you looked at me
When we entered the hall that night at the wedding
And you were there I thought, there’s a familiar face
Of a boy I don’t know
Then you asked me to dance and then the facts about you
And me changed, and our lives became linked
And through letters, stamp after stamp,
We made a family and a life
With which we could be satisfied
Comfortable, pleased with what we had achieved
A legacy made from a terpsichorean moment and some words scrawled
On a page

Poem 24- Content Ever After- A poem inspired by a conversation with a very wise and deep gentleman

Content Ever After

They told us we’d be happy
But were not
They told us it’d be easy
But it’s hard
They told us love would keep us together
But maybe it’s not enough
So lets embark on the pursuit of happiness together
And if we make a pit stop at content
I think I’ll be happy with that

Poem 23- Affection Injection

Affection Injection

When I feel a great need
You arrive at great speed
To provide attention so sorely missed
To my body unhugged my lips unkissed

Poem 22- A sunny spot

A sunny spot

This afternoon I found a sunny spot on the floor outside
After heading to Blackwell’s (a bookshop)
To find some more poems to read and learn from
After a romantic liaison two years ago with
The Poems of Wendy Cope ( a poet)
I took a foray in the brain and loves of
Carol Ann Duffy ( another poet) as I sat with the sun ebbing away
As I devoured the pages this buffet ( a place to get an array of food)
Of metaphors and imagery
And through these poems I found more than
Inspiration
I found an emotional reaction to
Lines on a page
Words all in lines
Letters in to words
And I found a longing to achieve this same incredible feat
I sat in my sunny spot not noticing the hours

Poem 21 - James Bond

James Bond

Last night I had a dream
I was on a quest
A long and arduous quest
With no end as my alarm
Woke me from my impassioned journey
Just as Daniel Craig arrived to right the wrongs
To tie the loose threads of the mystery
To find what needed to be found
To carry me in to the sunset
Next time maybe, it will be Pierce Brosnan or Sean Connery

Dare to dream …

Poem 20- Hidden Glances

Hidden Glances

I was sitting on the floor, out of sight
Not hidden, not hiding
But out of the corner of my eye
I saw her
Tall, stocky, short blonde
Hair- Princess Diana-esque
“This isn’t the way to the train
Station “ she said
You laughed
And then walked together
Away
And I accidentally watched your conversation
Sound on mute
As I sat out of sight
Not hidden, but hiding

Poem 19- Laughter

Laughter

My housemate suggested I wrote poem about laughter
What a sweet little poppet she is
She said giggles and chortles would be excellent fodder
For a cheeky little poem
To provide a diversion to the frowns and miserable faces
So laughter is the topic, laughter is the cure
Laughter is the oldest bliss the only thing that's pure
Laughter is delightful when shared with all of us
Laughter is surprising when you remember something on the bus
Laughter is my favorite thing at any time of day
Late at night, in a DMC or when the weather's gray

So if you need a pick me up, why not come over for a chat
We can talk of times past until our sides hurt and we have to lie flat

Poem 18- Expectations

Expectations

When you tell me I have beautiful eyes or that I look sexy in your clothes
No opinions will I form
No rules will I set
And if respect is too much to expect then I’ll stop
Expecting too much
When you look shocked that I wont
Make love to you
Even though you thought
I portray a sexualized image
And we met only an hour ago in the street
And I explain
No trust do I have
No love do I feel
No wars will I wage on your account

You will still be shocked
You fall short of my non-existent expectations

Poem 17- You are my repertoire

You are my repertoire

We talked of love and life, we laughed, ate pizza
We smiled, we cried, we acted out the roles we thought we were meant to play
We ran head first in to the unknown, the experience I had had did nothing to prepare me
We accepted and changed in unison, we provided what each lacked
We knew each other so wholly I felt no one would ever know us again
You were my all, I was yours and even now I would do all I could to go back and return to that place of us
But we have changed, no longer we, no longer us, but you gave me so much of what I am
And taught me of what I should try to become

Poem 16- This Saved Me

This Saved Me

After it ended , I was sure it was this that brought me back to life,
I was certain it was this that revived me and my senses
At the end it was clear that this was what restored me to my former self
It seems despite what I thought was a fact
In truth it was not this that saved me
But me and those through this moment have transported me to a place of rebirth
The reality lies in the person I have become since and the conversations
And the feelings I have felt since then
I am myself, a new self, a better self despite the chaos and confusion
That this final encounter and its fall out would portray

On to another place that will now be the catalyst for adventure

Poem 15- Literally all your underwear-( a poem for my friend, although to be fair all my poems are atleast a percent or 2 are about MC) only joking just this one !

literally all your underwear

I have a friend, who has decided all my poems are about him.
he says its a joke,but i'm not sure
he is kind and clever and he has exceptional hair
and although hes inspirational, he's not the inspiration
it might be ridiculous to assume hes the cure or the problem
that he was untagged or rearranging the plan without me
he might be a princess or a bus snogger or my mum on her birthday, but hes not
hes just the inspiration of this poem and as is literally all his underwear ( in a purely non sexual way) and he is full on awesome

Poem 14- You were different ( inspired by a bizarre memory jerker)

You were scary but amazing
you were fun and yet unknown
you arrived in a red rain
you made me feel all grown

you were unlike all those I had met 'til then
from out of the dark you came
a planet with no name
oh what a shame it had to end with your tantrums and my differences
but now all I remember is you were scary, amazing and different.

Poem 13 -I think I'll be a fairy princess

I think I’ll be a fairy princess
I’ll just be one today
I put my wings on pretend to be six
Maybe fly away

I think I’ll be a fairy princess
I’ll just be one for a while
I’ll forget the world outside, see what’s enchanted
That should leave me with a smile

I think I’ll be a fairy princess
Maybe just today
But possibly tomorrow too
It keeps my fears away

Poem 12- If you're meant to be the nice one ( a poem about a recent encounter)

If you’re meant to be the nice one

You said you were nice
You said you thought I was too
We held hands, we kissed in the street

You said you couldn’t wait to be next to me again
And so here I am
Stop waiting
Stop playing it cool
I know were different
But its ok
I know I’m cleverer than you
But if I don’t mind
neither should you

so you don’t quote Rousseau… you just have to be nice

Poem 11- Blow out the candles and make a wish ( a little poem to commemorate the occassion of my mother's birthday)

Blow out the candles and make a wish


“Blow out the candles and make as wish “, they exclaimed as she stood in front of an enormous cake with her name on it.
She looked around at the faces of her friends, the friends she had taken years to select as her best.
She looked to the gentleman in her life, the man who had made her happier than ever before.
She looked at her children, who in their more advanced age had become, friends, companions and opportunities to feel and love more than she could have ever imagined

She thought of her wish, as they could all see, her life had entered its prime
More people now recognized her.
As her face and voice now dominated more hours and they we unseen and silent.

Her great efforts were finally being rewarded as more and more people turned to notice the reputation she had single handedly created.

There had been times when she thought of mistakes and bad choices but now was not one of those, her life had taken many strange routes but it had arrived in this place of new found worth.
And as she looked over the sparkling cake and its even sparklier candles.
She took in a deep breath and wished

In a whisper

“ Could it just stay the same please… at least for a little while?

And could I, maybe, have a little more sleep if poss.

Poem 10- If you behave like that ... i'll just like you even more

If you behave like that… I’ll just like you even more

When people shout too loud it usually makes me want to shhh them
When people swear too much it makes me feel uncomfortable
When people make intellectual joke I don’t understand it usually fills me with dread that I should have to respond with something as highbrow
But with you, I just want to impress
I just want to entrance you
To convince you that you are interested in me
To show you how special you are

So, even though for years people have told you to be quieter,
To be less out going, talk slower, dumb yourself down,
I’m pleased you didn’t, because those are the reasons I like you
Because you’re different.

Something I knew as you skipped through Regent’s Park, arms filled with flowers, the daffodils I picked with you in mind.

If you behave like that, I’ll just give you more flowers, just give you more kisses, just like you even more.

Poem 9- You didn't even ask

You didn’t even ask
So, we made a plan
And I broke it

You expected me to enjoy you
And I didn’t

I think that’s my choice
Your anger and confusion consumes you
You call me
You nearly say something you regret

I am in a world of regret
I wasn’t lucky enough to be able to hold it back

You say you’re keeping to the plan
That your friends will be disappointed if you don’t
But it was my plan and you didn’t even ask me to be a part of it

Poem 8- Inspired by a present I received yesterday

roses are red
eggs have a yolk
i thought it was funny
quite a hilarious joke

roses can be pink and many other colours too
so why are they always type cast as rouge
when their beauty is not limited by their hue...

there are roses i've read
eggs i have yet to crack
life may seem scary
if we're all in pitch black

Poem 7- Primus inter Pares

Primus inter pares

I’m in charge
You do what I say

I’m in charge
You follow behind

I’m in charge and in control
Of this situation, this relationship

Oh…

I…

I’m not …

I’m not in charge…

But I thought …

I mean. We said…

Oh I see …

You’re in charge….

I’ll do what you say … and follow behind

Poem 6- A life unexamined- as written on the tube this morning

A life unexamined

I thought you were there

I saw you

Your laugh could be heard around the room

As it melded with the

Electro-house-dub step-funk 

Blasting from the speakers

You mixed me a drink… I think

Although you were a “maybe attending” and there were

No photos tagged 

Poem 5- it would be ridiculous to assume ( as requested by the always magical Sasha)

It would be ridiculous to assume

It would be ridiculous to assume I’ll always love you

It would ridiculous to say I’m always right

It would be ridiculous to assume we’ll never argue

It would be ridiculous to say I’ll see you every night

But would it be ridiculous to hope I’ll always want to see you

Hold your hand when I’m scared?

Would it be ridiculous to hope you’ll try and be nice all the time?

And always hope you cared,

That I was sad sometimes,

That I was happy too

That I was lacking also

That I was pleased to pass this life somewhere close to you

But if it is, please say it is before our plans are through

It would be ridiculous to say I’ll fancy you when you’re old

Unless I’m as old as you

It would be ridiculous to say I know that you’re the only one

When there are others that I like too

But if it’s all so ridiculous, if it’s always been a farce

How come I just like being next to you and I hope this feeling lasts?

Poem 4- a day of fun

A day of fun

We have set today aside

For a day of fun

We meet, sadly two hours after we had planned,

And fun begins

Despite its inorganic nature

This day

Fills

Me

With a feeling of lightness

And

A pride in our energy

We set today aside for fun

And

What fun it was 

Poem 3- Kissing in the Afternoon is a luxury reserved for those in relationships

Kissing in the Afternoon is a luxury reserved for those in relationships

Kissing in the Afternoon is a luxury reserved for those in relationships the kind of luxury that make you feel special as I sit trying not to regurgitate my lunch while looking at you on the bus.

Is this sudden sickness due to the swerving of the bus down this busy Manchester route or is this the pure and utter jealousy at seeing someone else receive this afternoon treat?

Well it would be if your boyfriend was remotely attractive

Poem 2- a strange coincidence

A strange coincidence

Some would call it coincidence that we ended up here

Some would call it a silly choice that when awry leading to a chance moment of good fortune

But here we are

Some would say it’s fate , but the very notion of fate makes no sense to you or me

Some would say its childhood games even though we’re meant to be adults

But here we are

And what a lovely game it is

Poem 1- The glue that holds us together

The glue that holds us together

I'm broken
You're broken
Let's be broken together

You'll talk then ill talk
They tell us it will make us better
I'm cold so we'll cuddle
You're quiet so I'll fill the silence
With stories from my youth
Maybe we'll connect

And we can heal one piece at a time
One word after another
One joke after the next
We can pretend were fixed as we sit in the haze of laughter
And just for one second maybe I'll believe it and you’ll believe it too