Poem 58- Surprise Surprise

Surprise Surprise

It amazes me that you
All came
Made that effort
Smiles across your faces
Cards brought
Time used
Cars driven here…on time
Actual money spent
For me
To remember me
To celebrate me
To turn and look at my existing self
And for that incredible, fantastic shock, a surprise that
Means I might have worked hard enough in the search
And could have been friendly, and good enough to karma and the world
That you lot, marvelous, clever, caring, empathetic and sweet
That you might care for me
Gives me the most extreme joy
I could ever wish to receive
And will only strengthen my efforts to maintain
This wonderful time
Where you are my friends
And I am yours

Poem 57- Why is it so difficult?

Why is it so difficult?

She is beautiful
Kind
Exceptionally intelligent
So, why is it so difficult?
Because life is tricky?
More than tricky,
Shocking, something for which no one
Can prepare?
We are young…now
We are safe… now
We have our whole lives to claim in credit… now
We must step continuously on the spot
‘Til going forward becomes easy
And we know the answer to the simplest question

If all anyone wants is to love and be loved, why is it so difficult?

Poem 56-A series of poems inspired by the translation by Mr B Sugarman of a piece of song poetry by Li Qingzhao- each poem relates to a line of the translation.

When the warmth suddenly turns to cold

We loved
We definitely loved
One another
Our time
And now when the
Heat is tepid
What can we do except
Continue with hope
Our fingers and souls might
Regain their colour
As we fight this impending
Winter

We knew each other once

One time is sufficient
All that is needed
All that could be wanted
That day
That night
That hour
Was all you could provide
And now I sit
Watching the traffic and the time
Pass as I store our moments
To memory
As each minute
Becomes an hour
Each month becomes as year
Since I felt your
Hand in mine
And since I watched
You insert your ticket
In to the turnstile
And walked out of my consciousness

Who can pick them now?

He loves me he loves
Me not
The pile of stalks and petals
Grows as I swing my
Legs, to short to touch the
Floor, under my chair
As I play the game of
A child and I grow older
The remnants of the flowers
Turns to mulch
Composting our joint love
Until the next time
I grasp the stem labeled with
Your name

How will nightfall ever come?

Time has stopped
In limbo I wait for
Creation
For light and shade
For taste to return to my
Mouth and for sensation
To return to my nerve endings
You have paused my world
And the sun has failed
To complete its task
The setting is all that can
Offer hope
And no sinking, except that
Of my tear in the never ending
Stream, occurs
And I watch your life on
Fast forward, too rapid to
Gain entry in my state
Of paralysis

At times like this how can sorrow express it all?

Enough, enough now
My frail body cannot be
Inflicted with these feelings
Any more. No word can
Describe, no sentence can
Portray, No chapter can
Fully embody the melancholic song
In the back of my brain

At times like this how could sorrow possibly express it all?

Poem 55-Limititations

Limitations

If normality is a societal
Construct and inherently
Anyone who is not you
And possibly your own family
Is abnormal by default

Then why should I feel
Offended that last night you said
As a compliment to me, I was
“Weird” and then edited
Yourself to “quirky”
Because to me
I am mundane
The same as all others
And it is my
Ultimate
Normality
That leaves me with
This
Frustration

Poem 54- This could get interesting, you might want to take notes...

This could get interesting, you might want to take notes...

That’s interesting
At the first sign that I might have more going on
Than listening to you talk rubbish
You can’t be bothered to see me
That’s interesting
When I call you out on your lack of interest
You’re not in the mood
You can’t be bothered to even attempt an apology or care
That’s interesting
I’m sitting in my house with a tearstained face
And you’re no where to be seen
Not crying over you
But I thought you and your attention might help me
To feel better
But interestingly enough
Rather than provide me with emotional sustenance
You would rather place your superficiality over the chance to make someone else
Happy
I think that’s where we differ, in general,
Except this this case
Where I am being as selfish as you are
Hoping you will spend your time making me ok
Whereas you’re sitting there hoping,
Even though you have now annoyed me,
I might still consider fellating you


I’ll tell you now , I wont.
Now, isn’t that interesting?

Poem 53-So what now?

So what now?

I think I’m going to cry
Not for any reason I can describe
I feel confused and happy
I feel sad and angry
I feel fulfilled yet totally unsure of what is meant to be happening
What is the point of our friendship?
What is the point of our relationship?
What is the point of making an effort,
Or trying
Something new,
Or doing nice things for other people, or letting you kiss me
Or being me?
If you end up with nothing
In the end there is nothing
Sitting here doing nothing is only a precursor to that nothing
All nothing
Tee tee tee tee Tee tee tee Tee TEE tee

Poem 52- Opposites Day

Opposites Day

“I think that might be backwards”
I said
As you confidently draw a backwards three
“It’s not” you say
“My mummy showed me”

“I’ve drawn a P,” you say
“It was meant to be a 9”
“Just start at the top
Go
Round
And go
Down
It will be fine “ I say, “Just copy me"

Poem 51 - In the throws of verbal intercourse

In the throws of verbal intercourse

You’re very sweet
No one could say you’re not
Some would say you’re good looking
And they might be right
But if I find every word you
Say
Mundane
Artificial
Platitudinous
Should I risk it?
For the compliments
The nights out
The squeeze on the hip
And the late night kisses
Or is it really
A waste of time
A dead end
A means to an end
And a farce
Where you talk and through my happiness
To receive positivity and busyness
Perpetuate this liaison as in the dark
It might not matter
As long as we’re not alone
And everyday we grow older